Saturday, November 25, 2006

Have You Seen Me?

Missing: natural phenomenon that existed at least hundreds of thousands of years before January 20, 2001 whose arrival is announced with wind gusts of at least 39 mph; often brings lots of rain; frequently forms in the Atlantic Ocean and occasionally hits the U.S. with said winds and rain; usually given a name that is predetermined well before June 1. often causes death and destruction; once its formed it cannot be stopped; loved by U.S. mainstream media, especially when reeking havoc and chaos (especially in its modified, 74+ mph form) on large U.S. cities; estimates of 12-15 of these appearing between June 1 and November 30 greatly exaggerated; if seen, please contact local and national news outlets so news outlets can redact their gleeful reporting of initial predictions. Warning: said media outlets that blamed an abundance of these last year on Global Warming may try to blame Global Warming for absence of said missing object this year. Exercise extreme caution when obtaining information from these news outlets.


At 03:41, Anonymous said...

That would be a hurricane.

If I remember correctly, a hurricane has an area of calm in the center called an 'eye'. It is often used as a euphemism for dangerous complacency.

Besides, why go to the 'lamestream media' for information when you can ask prominent and trusted scientists themselves?

And is the Norwegian librul media the same as the US librul media?

"The stakes are high – the Arctic is a window through which we can literally visualise global climate change. Global warming is a fact. It is increasing, and its man-made dimension is beyond doubt.

New evidence adds to our awareness. A recent study from the US Space Agency NASA finds that the Earth is now reaching the warmest levels in the current interglacial period, which has lasted nearly 12 000 years.

The Arctic Climate Impact Assessment showed that the effects of climate change are first seen in the Arctic. The effects could be dramatic, affecting industries, infrastructure, the environment, and vital aspects of human life.

The Arctic Council may not be the appropriate forum for acting on the threat of climate change. But it may serve as a vehicle for promoting appropriate action and disseminating the relevant evidence."

-- Jonas Gahr Støre


At 06:17, brian said...

wrong, Tropical Storm - 39 mph winds

At 23:50, Anonymous said...

What's the 74+ mph form then?

At 07:52, brian said...

"whose arrival is announced with wind gusts of at least 39 mph"

then later...

"(especially in its modified, 74+ mph form)"

All hurricanes start out as tropical storms. Not all tropical storms become hurricanes.

At 01:11, Anonymous said...

The riddle about storms was a rhetorical lead-in for a screed against the librul media.

I hear the same stuff on BBC World Service, etc. so this implies the existence of a worldwide media conspiracy to destroy free markets everywhere. Copenhagen Calling said that there isn't enough snow in northern Sweden this December to furnish ski resorts. Well lah dee dah to those cheese-eating homos, shame on them for discontinuing from the rip-roaring brand of pillag^free trade they used to practice back before the EU emasculated them.

In fact, the book Cosmos pointed out how positive feedback in albedo (blue, zooplankton-free water reflects less radiation than white snow) could lead to a cycle of environmental destruction. Make no mistake: the Illuminati and black helicopter squadrons do tons of work to prop up their crap.

Now these pinhead scientists are telling me all the methane gas rising out of the melting Canadian and Russian permafrost is doing the same. Yeah, like I'll believe that: it's called PERMAfrost for a reason, as in, like, permanent? So that's a contradiction in terms, isn't it? Nice try anyway; you won't pull the wool over MY eyes so easily. Make up your minds, eggheads; you're the ones making up all this scientifimological gobbledygook after all.

I think the real problem is there are a disproportionate amount of liberals in math and science fields, among others. Sensitive projects like the Manhattan Project can no longer be trusted to these lefty types! And it doesn't make any sense, after all---how can a liberal exercise logic and reason? These are the province of conservatives and conservatives alone!

I suspect they're cheating.

At 01:15, Anonymous said...

Bears cease to hibernate in Spain.

Not content with cutting away Sif's hair, the RepubLokins have to mock her pointedly, too.

At 12:23, Brian said...

Yeah, who would have thought that animals can change their behavior.

At 15:10, eikenskjaldi said...

Homo sapiens are animals, too. They can change their behavior as well. For instance, if such an H. sapiens find sustenance in running an insurance company like Allstate or Lloyd's, he can jack up their prices for insuring coastal areas or leave them altogether.

(But there again, big insurance companies have a well-known librul bias.)

So far I have seen absolutely zilch from the wingnuts in refuting the gross scientific consensus on this matter. Just a lot of knee-jerk reactions. Even Rupert Murdoch agrees. Will the wingnuts miss the boat again? Or has Faux News become yet another LIEBERAL media outlet?

At 16:50, eikenskjaldi said...

Wow, even the energy companies are finally facing reality.

I admit I found this story with the liberal search engine Google, via the search terms 'global warming wingnuts'. But remember that even President Bush uses the Google on the Internets.


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