New York, May 2, 2023 – Exmochev, the last of the U.S. owned oil companies, announced today that is it shutting down the last of its facilities in the United States. The move will leave the remaining 9,200 employees looking for jobs. Exmochev sold all remaining company-owned gas stations two years ago to BP. It was announced last month that Shell, under its new Chinese ownership, will be acquiring BP.

“How can our government allow this to happen” Sen. Chelsea Clinton, D-NY was quoted as saying yesterday. “Here is a company that offered high wages, good benefits, and was an anchor of the US economy for over 100 years, and now it ceases to exist. We must question what management has been doing for the past 15 years; ever since the windfall profits tax bill was approved by Congress.” Clinton denied questions from the LBA (Licensed Bloggers Association) that Exmochev's demise was in any way connected to her mother's, herself a former Senator, statement in 2007 - “I want to take those profits.” Sen. Chelsea Clinton also blamed former President Bush who she claims never did enough to help the oil companies during his presidency. Former Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton could not be reached for comment. Her office stated she was vacationing in Cuba and could not be disturbed.

Exmochev's history traces its roots back to John D. Rockefeller's Standard Oil Company as well as other historical names like Texaco and Gulf. The current name is a meld of three companies - Exxon, Mobil, and Chevron. Exxon and Mobil merged in 1999 becoming ExxonMobil and then acquired Chevron in 2013. The company was renamed Exmochev in 2014.

“Unlike the textile, consumer electronics, steel, and auto industries, Exmochev's demise seems to be related to government intervention which is ironic in that some say lack of government intervention is what caused industries like textiles to move overseas or steel and automobiles to flounder in the U.S.” one anonymous blogger (ANON4992FL;[http://[1044:0cb7:a0a4:d183:1ff2:ee93:a37c:4495]
]) was quoted as saying yesterday.

Senator Robert Byrd, (D-WV) demanded immediate hearings on the matter. “What are these people going to do for jobs?” he asked. When will companies realize that it's in the nation's best interest when the government takes their profits and redistributes them to the people?” “When I was your age,” Byrd said to a reporter, “we wore white sheets when we went out in public.” Byrd, at 105, continues to insist he's mentally fit to serve in Congress and also renounced all his associations with a former white-supremacist group. Once reporter counted that he “insisted” 27 times during yesterday's press conference on the matter.

Michael Rodriguez, 42, of Houston, wondered “what am I supposed to do, go work at WalMazon for $17.75 an hour? I had some savings but most of that was seized in 2019 when Congress authorized that the windfall profits tax can be applied to individuals who have more than twice their yearly income in savings or retirement accounts.”

With Exmochev no longer in business, Venezuelan-owned Citgo and Shell, the former Dutch company recently acquired by the Chinese government, are the largest oil companies doing business in the U.S. U.S. State Department Officials believe that some of Citgo's profits are being used to arm and train Mexican and Venezuelan troops in Mexico and that Shell's profits are being used to build Chinese military bases in Africa. No one from Citgo or Shell was available for comment.

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